What would I never write?

[fajrdrako]

After some hesitation, I decided to take this meme from mad_jaks, jadesfire2808, and smithy161:

List at least three stories you think I will never ever write, and I may or may not write a snippet of one of them.

Comments

[louiex.livejournal.com]

*ponders* I think I might snag this myself, it seems very interesting :D

Write a Torchwood x-over involving that really interesting HP trailer (that has once again totally sucked me back into the franchise, damn them!)

A Giles is somehow related to Ianto fic (I'm scrolling through your tags and getting inspired, don't mind me!)

And Sarah Jane (age your discretion) meets Captain Jack Sparrow and/or Will Turner~

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I think I might snag this myself, it seems very interesting :D

That was exactly my thought.

Write a Torchwood x-over involving that really interesting HP trailer

Oh, how sneaky! How insidious! How brilliant! (And here I thought I'd never write anything related to Harry Potter...!)

(that has once again totally sucked me back into the franchise, damn them!)

They are So Bad. It got to me, too, and I thought I was impervious. Do you think they used magical influence?

A Giles is somehow related to Ianto fic (I'm scrolling through your tags and getting inspired, don't mind me!)

Oooh. Ianto from a family of Watchers? We were speculating on Ianto having another agenda, totally apart from Lisa. Hmmm.

Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, and Sarah Jane walk into a bar...

You have a delightfully devious mind, you know that?

[louiex.livejournal.com]

*arms up and cheers* Huzzah! Here I was worried they'd be too silly or something!

Oooh. Ianto from a family of Watchers? We were speculating on Ianto having another agenda, totally apart from Lisa. Hmmm.

THAT is far too interesting for mere words to explain how randomly excited that made me :D

You have a delightfully devious mind, you know that?You have a delightfully devious mind, you know that?

I try my best!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I don't usually do 'silly' but sometimes a silly idea is a springboard to something more interesting. A silly idea, done right, isn't so silly any more - which is how badfic turns into goodfic in the hands of a good writer.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

A Giles is somehow related to Ianto fic

~ ~ ~

Ianto and his cousin Giles sat in the pub, talking about life and work. Giles talked about his Slayer, Buffy, and life in sunny California. The Hellmouth sounded to Ianto very like the Rift.

"So what about you?" asked Giles. "I heard Lisa died at Canary Wharf. Sorry to hear about that."

"I have someone else now," said Ianto. He smiled, to think of Jack.

"Oh? Is she nice?"

"Nice in many ways. But not a she."

"Oh? Oh." Giles raised his eyebrows, and smiled. "Change of pace, anyway. How modern of you. Where'd you meet him?"

"At work. He's... different."

"How so?"

"Well, for one thing, he's not mortal."

Giles' spluttered and coughed on his beer. "Fuck! Ianto, you're not mixed up with some vamp!"

"No, of course not," said Ianto hastily. "He's a sort of special case. Unique. The word doesn't exist for people like him." He looked up at the door of the pub, where a newcomer had entered. "Here he is. I invited him to meet you. Captain Jack Harkness."

Giles looked where Ianto indicated. A large, confident man in a greatcoat. The man smiled at Giles as he approached the table.

"There's a word for men like that," said Giles to Ianto, under his breath. "And it's pronounced 'trouble'."

[louiex.livejournal.com]

Perfect!!! I love it, I can totally picture every detail and the last line had me laughing aloud~

Great ficlet!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Thank you - so glad you enjoyed it!

[silverwhistle.livejournal.com]

I love this! Thanks!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I'm delighted that you enjoyed it. (Big smile.)

[wijsgeer.livejournal.com]

I gave nr. 1 to omnivoriously

1) Granny Weatherwax as Bond girl

2) Grey (Jack's brother) as Maria (Sound of music)

3) Battle to death between Jack Harkness and Cowboy Bebop

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Granny Weatherwax as Bond girl

The illusion held, at least as far as it needed to.

Granny Weatherwax had some troubled deciding, at first. Ursula Andress? Barbara Carrera? Eva Green? Halle Berry? She wanted to be all of them, but it was necessary to pick one at at a time. That was how the spell worked. She ran through the list of possibilities: "Eeny meeny miny Tiffany Case."

And since one thing always leads to the next with James Bond, she found herself (after a delightful evening on the French Riviera) in bed with the sexiest Englishman ever invented by deity or novelist. Predictability in men was a glorious thing.

It was an almost-perfect spell, but perhaps needed improvement for next time. She didn't know that at the high point of the night (so to speak) she'd revert to her old body. One minute she was shouting "Oh, oh, oh!" and the next it was "Oi, oi... oi..." and Bond was gaping at her.

"Wot the 'ell?" he said. "Who the fuck are you? And what'd you do with Tiffany?"

"I'm the Queen of Discworld," she lied cheekily, and bolted towards the door to escape, blowing him a kiss as she went. "Ta, love, and thanks for everything."

[maaseru.livejournal.com]

*cough*
*cough*
*cough*
*g*

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

... I have nothing to say.

Whimper, maybe.

...

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

What's this? You are asking us to suggest things that we think you wouldn't write...?

All of them would come across as delightful challenges, I'd think!

Such as: a treatise on the physics of TARDIS internal mechanics, written in the margins of a letter from Jack to Ianto during some kind of holding-pattern when he's for some reason not with the Doctor and is bored. See, it started out as something you probably wouldn't write (because you don't seem to enjoy faking science stuff! which I love to do), but then it became just perfect for you. Ah, I give up!

Two more: Gwen trying to think up reasons not to ask Toshiko out, and then instead talking herself into doing it -- only to run right into Tosh coming to do the same to her.

And: Ianto getting mildly fixated on the Hand while Jack is away (buried, dead, pick one) and almost talking himself into destroying it. Yeah, now that one might be a reach for you. Because I don't know that you would want Ianto to end up making that decision.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I certainly like the idea of notes on the TARDIS by Jack, though I'm not sure I want to play around with Gallifreyan physics. I've seen stories that were correspondence between Jack on the TARDIS and Ianto - though it's not excatly canonical. Or at least, such letters never got to Ianto, who didn't know whether Jack would come back. Or, if he came back, whether he would stay.

I like the Gwen/Toshiko idea. I've been wanting to write about them. Oops, this is supposed to be about stuff I wouldn't want to write - hee! Hard to find it. (Or if we did, it would be too much. Jack and Ianto fight and split up! Jack does something terrible! Ianto runs away and joins the circus! - no, sorry, he's already in a circus. Hmm.)

Ianto getting mildly fixated on the Hand while Jack is away (buried, dead, pick one) and almost talking himself into destroying it.

Oooh, I like that. Now, if anyone could figure out whose hand it was and why it mattered to Jack, Ianto could. It would have to be first series, but that's feasible...