Exhausted...

[fajrdrako]

But in a good way.

Coming to take me to the hospital this morning for physiotherapy, the para transpo driver came way early; an unprecedented thing, since they are usually ten to thirty minutes late. Luckily I was washed and dressed and ready to go, though in my haste I went without my watch, which was a nuisance. He came early because he had two other people to pick up. By the time we got to Preston St. - the opposite direction from the Riverside hospital - they'd cancelled.

It gave me extra time, so I explored a part of the hospital annex I hadn't yet been to, the pharmacy and the downstairs cafeteria. I usually get a cup of coffee (and often breakfast) at the cafeteria by the main doors. It's run by volunteers, who toast bagels and make sandwiches: not very fancy, but very high quality - I think their salmon sandwiches are delicacies of the highest order, as are their toasted bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches.

The downstairs place had a delicious quick breakfast for $3.25 - two eggs, fried potatoes, two slices of bacon and two slice of toast with jam - not bad at all. But the place has two small rooms instead of one large one, making it feel a little claustrophobic; and worse, it has no windows. The one upstairs has beautiful large windows so you can sit sipping coffee and looking out at the parkland along the Rideau River. You can even see the water. It's beautiful.

Physiotherapy: it was amazing. Debbie had me balancing on one foot - The Foot. She had me standing on tiptoes. I spent twenty minutes on the bicycle.

At the end, I was exhausted but happy. She said that it'll be probably a year before I stop noticing problems with my foot. She marvelled again at the smallness of my heels. I complained about buying shoes and explained about the effects of scleroderma.

When Para Transpo came for me, it was, for the first time, one of their little buses, not a car. I got to ride up on their elevator-platform to get into it, though I got out of the bus by going down the steps - no problem at all.

I then collapsed in front of the television, and watched the Angel episode "I will remember you." Then I did two loads of laundry and washed dishes. I am mighty.

At 4 p.m., Beulah came over for a visit, and I persuaded her to walk around the block with me. Her back was hurting, so the snail's pace suited us both. Crutching at the speed of molasses. I asked Beulah about the flowers in the gardens we passed, feeling like the padawan asking questions of the Master. There was a tree maaseru an I had been wondering about: It turns out to be Japanese lilac. We also saw a very lovely Siberian iris.

Then we watched two episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer: "Something Blue" and "Hush", and ate a meal from The Green Door.

A good time was had by all.

Comments

[mmegaera.livejournal.com]

Have you gone back yet and read your posts from just after your accident? Do you realize how far you've come?!?

It's so nice to read about The Foot acting like a foot again.

And empathy on the small heels. I walk out of any shoe that doesn't have a physical fastening on the top.

[auriaephiala.livejournal.com]

Me too. All those pictures of fashionable women wearing pumps -- they will never include me.

It's not that I don't like the look, but they just fall off my feet. One shoe store measured my heel as 5A (remainder of foot as AA).

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I must look at your feet - that sounds like the same general shape as mine. Yes, pumps are gorgeous, but after a couple of steps I'm either out of them, or falling on my nose. Most ungraceful.

[mmegaera.livejournal.com]

So the balls of your feet are narrower than your heels?

My heels are A, the rest of my foot is a B. I've never had a pair of pumps I didn't have to curl my toes in to keep them on.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

If you can keep them on at all and take a step, it's more than I can do!

[mmegaera.livejournal.com]

There've been a couple of occasions in my life where I was basically told straight out that something besides pumps would not have been acceptable, so I a) bought Naturalizer pumps that had elastic woven through the edges, which helped a little, and b) learned to make a ball of my toes to keep them from sliding off. It's not easy to walk that way, though, trust me [g]. And they still worked basically like flipflops. I have since learned to ignore anyone who tells me that I must wear something that makes me miserable...

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Aren't Naturalizer shoes wonderful? They've saved my feet many a time, in just this sort of occasions.

Lucily I've never been told I had to wear pumps; usually 'dress shoes' can be interpreted a little more vaguely.

It's not easy to walk that way, though, trust me

Oh, I know! Been there, done that. And the toes start to ache after a while from all th etension.

I have since learned to ignore anyone who tells me that I must wear something that makes me miserable...

very good move! And one of the perks of adulthood.

[filkferengi]

If you stuff lots of tissue in the toes, it'll give you some support when you have to curl your toes. It will diminish with foot sweat & have to be renewed, though. Iirc, there are some moleskin gripping-type things you can stick on the inside sole to help your toes grip better.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

It sounds to me like a lot of effort for shoes I'd rather not spend money on anyway. Luckily, I don't often have to dress uncomfortably, and I've not had to go places where dress shoes with straps are unacceptable.

[mmegaera.livejournal.com]

There's moleskin things you can put in the heel of the shoe (which is where the real source of the problem is), that supposedly help hold the shoe on, too, but all they really do is snag the heck out of the heels of your hose.

The ultimate solution is to a) avoid dressing up altogether, or b) if that's not possible, avoid pumps at all costs.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I used to be able to find those moleskin inserts, but it's a long time since I've seen them in the stores. And you're right, they never worked anyway. But it was a valiant attempt.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Yes; it's quite amazing to be able to put The Foot on the ground. I'll be glad when I can dispense with the crutches.

Yes, I realize how far I've come - being stranded on the sofa wasn't much fun!

I walk out of any shoe that doesn't have a physical fastening on the top.

You too? Yes, I always need laces, straps, whatever it takes. This is one reason I like short-topped walking boots like Blundstones.

[mmegaera.livejournal.com]

Yup. Which is why I live in sneakers most of the time. I have a rather large assortment of them. Dress shoes are -- a problem.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I love sneakers with a passion.

Alternatively, stip-ons with elastics.

For dress shoes, I like things like Naturalizers with a strap over the foot. Shoes like this (http://s.onlineshoes.com/images/br021/125016_366_45.jpg) or this (http://www.kaboodle.com/hi/img/2/0/0/e2/b/AAAAAo49VogAAAAAAOK5pw.jpg) or this (http://www.smartbargains.com/images/product/131147/1311476917_LG.jpg) or <a href="http://www.zappos.com/images/736/7363365/8520-567860-d.jpg>this</a>. (Not that I've ever worn leopardskin shoes in my life!)

[mmegaera.livejournal.com]

Slip-ons with elastics? Or are you using a term I've never heard of before?

Elastics don't work well for me. I find them very uncomfortable because they don't have a tongue to cushion between the tops of my feet and the elastics. The term slip-on WRT shoes is just something I try to avoid altogether.

Dressy sandals with some kind of strap that buckles work well for me. Other than that, if it doesn't tie, well, it doesn't work.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I meant slip-ons with elastics.

I prefer having a shoe with a tongue too, but it depends on the style and shape of the shoe. By 'with elastics' I menat not so much the kind of elastic that goes over the foot, but the kind that's an insert at the side of the shoe so the shoe can be pulled on over the foot. Like - can I find a picture? - yes, like this one (http://s.onlineshoes.com/images/br019/104405_366_45.jpg).

Straps with buckles work, and also I like the kind that ties at the upper ankle rather than over the foot. The trick there is: that kind often comes with very high heels and that's uncomfortable in another way.

Yeah, shoe-shopping is an adventure!

[mmegaera.livejournal.com]

Oh. I have a pair like that. I still walk out of them. There's just not enough there to hold onto my foot properly.

Yeah, dressy sandals are hard to find without ridiculously high heels. I could handle those when I was younger, but not so much anymore.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I have a pair like that. I still walk out of them. There's just not enough there to hold onto my foot properly.

Ah, there goes another of my illusions! They probably wouldn't work for me, then, either. I was hoping. I don't actually have any, you see - the closest I've got is those old Blundstones, which are walking boots not shoes.

[mmegaera.livejournal.com]

Sorry [g]. But no, the elastic doesn't tighten the shoe enough to do any good. Stick to the laces and buckles. You'll be much happier.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Luckily, laces and buckles aren't hard to find. Usually.

[jackarono.livejournal.com]

You're already watching S4?

That's my fave season. The writers were really getting experimental. And Spike looks really luscious chained up in a bathtub.

Now don't you think the writers... maybe the actors... someone think Buffy and Spike look good together? What did you think of Something Blue?

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

You're already watching S4?

Yes. I've been falling behind in the comments, and watching episodes while I do foot exercises - and when Beulah comes over.

So far I like season 4.

Spike looks really luscious chained up in a bathtub.

That was so wonderful.

someone thinks Buffy and Spike look good together?

And quite right they would be, too.

What did you think of Something Blue?

Loved it!

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

Good lord, isn't PT a great thing? It's amazing how a good physiotherapist can help you put your body back together. I put off going for six months when I ripped the cartiledge in my rib cage, hoping it would "just get better" -- which it didn't do, until I started PT. Thank heavens you were on top of it from the start, and now you have come so far!

I cannot wait to hear what you have to say about HUSH. That episode terrified me to the point that I couldn't go down to the basement to put my wash in the dryer.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Yes, the physiotherapy is amazing and I feel very lucky to be getting it. It makes so much difference.

I can certainly understand being scared by Hush - it was amazing. I loved it. I think it's the first time in Buffy that I haven't thought the villains were silly. (Spike isn't silly, but I don't think of him as a villain.)

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

As Mary said to Toshiko, you are just totally heroic and amazing and I have to kiss you now.

All I can do is sit here and smile in quiet joy. You are triumphing over every issue that comes up. Balancing on one foot?... the right one?!! Going like a gazelle on the stationary bike for twenty minutes! Walking down the steps on a bus! Ahh...! You are mighty indeed.

I am sorry that Beulah's back was hurting. I hope this is not something that continues! But, what a sweet stroll it made for, the two of you.

If you can stand on tiptoes, then the inherent structure of your foot is completely there, I hope you know. All you have to do now is work on your flexibility -- remind your ankle and foot of what they have always been able to do.

My feet have narrow, narrow heels and high arches. And they are huge. Talk about shoe-buying problems. Then again, our feet are almost the same size, despite our height difference! I have struck upon New Balance shoes: the soles give me good support. Also Earth Shoes (which went out of production for a while, but are now being made again). What are your favorites!

Wait, wait, I'm taking myself away from the main idea here -- you are totally amazing and I have to kiss you now. So, there. Keep up being amazing!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

As Mary said to Toshiko, you are just totally heroic and amazing and I have to kiss you now.

Oh dear. That might not be the most felicitous quote. You aren't planning to cut out my heart, right?

All you have to do now is work on your flexibility

Yes, that's what the physiotherapist says. Overcoming the scar tissue. Lots of stretches, rubbing, etc. I'm supposed to be massaging the surgical scar which I keep forgetting to do because it's uncomfortable. Must be more diligent.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. That might not be the most felicitous quote. You aren't planning to cut out my heart, right?

Urk.

Joke?

You're the one who sounds like Mary... sorry, I won't quote shows again....

I'm supposed to be massaging the surgical scar which I keep forgetting to do because it's uncomfortable.

Forgive me for saying something "autistic" (meaning, too obvious to be noticed, maybe): if you do keep it up, it'll stop being uncomfortable because you will have made it better again. Simply put, that will stop when you've done it enough so that it stops.

Go look at the Edgar Cayce site (baar.org/com, remember?) to find some creams that help minimize such scars. I know they have the stuff, and I know it works. You might find that easier to use than just rubbing alone...?

I'm having my sixth straight horribly painful day from my right shoulder, and even though it's now better than it was (it was about a 9 when I tried to get up the first time; sitting still on the couch with cats napping on either side, it went down to about a five; once I got up and went out to do errands, it came back up to about a seven) it still keeps me from being ableto think or write very clearly. Sorry if I sounded snippy up there. I was just trying to ... forget it.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

sorry, I won't quote shows again....

Aw, feel free, I was just teasing.

You might find that easier to use than just rubbing alone...?

vitamin E cream is supposed to be good with scars, and I have some.

So sorry to hear how bad your shoulder is. I hope it gets better soon.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

So sorry to hear how bad your shoulder is. I hope it gets better soon.

thank you. so far today (this keyboard has problems -- bad shift keys -- sorry, in a hurry!drat it) so far today, I woke up early-ish and needed pain pills, which I took (three extra-strength tylenol generics). When I woke up later, I was afraid to move, but then... miraculously... my arm worked, and the pain was about a quarter of what it had been earlier on. This has contiued. I find it too good to think about.

But, once again, I am made aware that the absence of pain in itself is a palpable sensation. And I'm feeling that sensation today.

Let's see how I do at work tomorrow.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear the pain pills worked. Hooray!

[jwaneeta.livejournal.com]

That sounds like a very nice day -- and great progress with The Foot. You deserve it.

(Except that now I want breakfast and it's time to go to bed. :P)

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Sleep: then breakfast will fit nicely into the morning.

[auriaephiala.livejournal.com]

You can actually walk around the block? Outside? That is excellent news.

A few small steps to Lothlorien...

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

You can actually walk around the block?

"Walk" might be an exaggeration, as it's a slow crawl, and I can't do it without the crutches. But yes, it's a wonderful improvement.

Hadrian's Wall, here I come.

Or maybe even the Ottawa Public Library, one of these days!

[rustydog.livejournal.com]

not very fancy, but very high quality - I think their salmon sandwiches are delicacies of the highest order

Heh, I see "salmon" and I think "automatically fancy," thus "salmon sandwich" sounds like a strange and wonderful combination of the fancy and mundane. But whatever, delicious.

Good for you for standing on your foot! And doing all that other stuff!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I almost wish I had physiotherapy again today, so I could have one of those sandwiches. But lunch will be exciting as I'm going for dim sum at the Mandarin Ogilvie.

[gillo]

Ah yes.

Something Blue

. ::sigh::

Hush

. ::quake in fear::

Two of my all-time favourite episodes.

Well done for the advances in physio - especially the standing on one fott stuff.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Two of my all-time favourite episodes.

And no wonder. Love your icon! Aah, my Spike-love is being fostered and I love every second.

And yes... those Gentlemen were truly scary, exceeding even the blue-gloved men in Firefly who previously had my vote for Scariest Characters Ever.

[toraks.livejournal.com]

Yay for such great progress on the foot! :-D

Are you watching Angel with Buffy as they were aired? Or some other way?

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I was going to watch Angel and Buffy in the order they were aired, but it isn't quite working out that way - when Beulah comes over we just watch Buffy (and I fill her in as necssary). Then I catch up with Angel. Mostly I'm watching them in the order of airing.

[rosiespark.livejournal.com]

Yay you! Standing on The Foot! Whatever next?!

::hugs::

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Whatever next?!

More walking, I hope. Preferably, eventually, without crutches. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Who is that in your icon?

[filkferengi]

You're really getting your [Ralph Waldo] Emerson on, aren't you?

"Without halting, without rest,
Lifting Better up to Best."

Woot! And also, Glee!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

"Without halting, without rest,
Lifting Better up to Best."

What a great quote! I don't know it - so I looked it up, even though I really don't have time to read it before going to physio. May Day (http://www.davemckay.co.uk/philosophy/emerson/emerson.php?name=emerson.09.poems.060). It looks more soupily Victorian than most Emerson I've read, all those rhyming couplets in iambic rhythm - comlete with references to Adam and Eve and schoolboys with balls, but ... interesting.

Interesting too that Louis May Alcott quoted it in one of her novels. It reminds me of Kipling - something someone might study in school. (Not me, not in my schools. I suspect few of my teachers had even heard of Emerson. He was a little to literary, a little too old and non-Canadian for Ontario schools. This annoyed me.)

Anyway - yes, glee! I think I compensated by doing nothing at all the next day, but that's okay, too.

[filkferengi]

The Emerson & Alcott families were neighbors & good friends. In fact, according to the Newbery-winning [& *very* highly recommended] biography, _Invincible Louisa_, Emerson was Louisa May Alcott's first crush. His essays got mentioned frequently in _Rose In Bloom_. I really should reread them; I remember them being pretty good.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Yes, I've always enjoyed reading Emerson, though I haven't read a lot. I haven't read Louisa May Alcott at all - blush - I think we've had the conversation about her being my mother's favourite writer?

Thanks for recommending Invincible Louisa.

[filkferengi]

It's by Cornelia Meigs. I hope you enjoy it. Although it's definitely written for a younger audience, there's lots of background about her parents and their families, as well as some of the social experiments they were involved in. It's also fairly short, less than 200 pages, iirc.