FIC Torchwood poem: Jack's Pick...

[fajrdrako]

fatchickengirl challenged damalan to write a short piece of Torchwood poetry of eight syllables per line. His poem, End of Days, is here.

I couldn't resist doing the same, with my own 'constraint'. fatchickengirl and damalan were okay with that. Seems to me this form of poetic drabble ficlet thingummy should have a name of its own.

And strangely enough, mine is a Jack/Gwen piece. Have I written any of those before? I don't think so, but I've thought about it.


Jack's Pick

Gwen Cooper, Cardiff constable,
Was chosen by Jack, who liked her
Energetic intuition.
Not hard on the eyes, either. Good.

Courageous, mouthy, reckless, cute.
Only in the gun room, hot breath
On warm skin, a lesson in touch,
Pure sensuality, teasing
Erotic thoughts and bone-deep needs.
Resist. Retreat. Don't let this drift.

~ ~ ~

Comments

[damalan.livejournal.com]

Oh very good! I think you've caught her well.

I do like the extra constraint - it helps to set an absolute length, and demands conciseness. I suppose we now need the other team members. :)

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Thank you - glad you enjoyed it!

The constraint is fun. I found myself wondering as I wrote it what it would have been like without that - since for some reason none of the words that first came to mind fit into the constraint at all and I had to wrestle with them.

Yes, we need the other team memmbers. And there are thirteen episode titles.

[damalan.livejournal.com]

Now that's ambitious!

Yeah, sometimes the right word doesn't pop up. A thesaurus helped me for one word. But you don't have many words to wrestle with, at least!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

The challenge is what makes it fun. And which makes it so clear that some words (regardless of length) are the wrong ones, while other words fit perfectly.

[damalan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's a much more subtle challenge than it looks at first glance. It really is poetry. Perhaps that explains why the choice of words is more intuition than perspiration.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

And a certain degree of perplexity and frustration.... In a good way.

[damalan.livejournal.com]

LOL! Indeed. That's why I think speed can help. To avoid over-thinking it.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Speed? Good point. Add that to the list of uses for a stopwatch.

[misskiwi333.livejournal.com]

lol. You said stopwatch.
*hides*

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I like stopwatches. Really.

[damalan.livejournal.com]

You know, it's easy to imagine Jack writing love poetry... :)

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

It is.

[devohoneybee.livejournal.com]

love the choppy rhythm of it -- the one-syllable words alternating with longer ones. it fits his choice of her perfectly. :)

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I'm so glad you liked my style!

[misskiwi333.livejournal.com]

*diez*
That really is fantastic. seriously.
*reads again*
<333

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it! (Basks.)