Frustration...

[fajrdrako]

I wish I felt better.

At lunchtime I had a Torchwood fanfic writing itself in my head. I started to write it down and fell asleep.

After work, I came home, had supper, and fell asleep. No yoga, no writing, no reading, no TV, no anything. Particularly no writing, even though the embyonic Jack/Ianto story hasn't gone away. (Maybe calling it a 'story' is overstating it; it's a series of ideas, vignettes, snatches of a relationship....)

So very frustrating. Will I just lose the story? It hardly matters, it wasn't really a story yet anyway, just a series of scenes and words, but it was coming, it really was....

It isn't as if I'm not halfway through some stories I really want to finish and post. One Jack/Doctor thing that I particularly want to get done.

Aaargh.

Well. Back to bed now. Tomorrow is another day and all that.

Comments

[rosiespark.livejournal.com]

You obviously need the extra sleep! Think of it as recharging your batteries. so that you can start writing fic again with renewed energy.

Can you at least jot down the fragments that occur to you, so you don't lose them? I know what that's like - I sometimes write fic in my head while I'm going to sleep, and am often torn between switching the light back on to scribble down a sentence or a scene, and getting to sleep because it's late and I'm tired and I havw to get up early in the morning...

Very frustrating, yes. And yesterday, while having a rest, I reached for pen and paper to make a note of a particularly felicitous sentence and found a more-or-less complete ficlet that I had completely forgotten about! It's very short, hardly more than a drabble, but I'll try and post it sometime soon. You know, I didn't post any fic last year. The last thing I completed was Interlude, the Renown brig fic, in December 2005. I kept putting off writing because I was always busy - but I have a feeling that I was procrastinating out of fear that what I wrote wouldn't measure up to what I've already written. Gah, talk about a self-defeating strategy! Okay, am definitely going to post that ficlet.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

You obviously need the extra sleep!

Obviously. It's getting so boring! I feel as if I'm doing nothing else. And I don't know if I'm grumpy about not getting anything done, or just because I feel so drained, or both. I guess it doesn't matter. I'll write what I can in stolen moments today - with any luck.

found a more-or-less complete ficlet that I had completely forgotten about!

That's always fun! I think I have a number of those floating around on my hard drive.... Not to mention in various notebooks!

I have a feeling that I was procrastinating out of fear that what I wrote wouldn't measure up to what I've already written.

You shouldn't let that kind of thing stop you. Maybe it won't be as good - but no one is keeping score! Maybe it will be better. Can't compare one story to another, really. They each have their own identity.

Okay, am definitely going to post that ficlet.

Yes, post it! I am looking forward to seeing it.

[wijsgeer.livejournal.com]

hi, how is today?
hopefully better. What you describe sounds like you've drained yourself, maybe taken to much on your shoulders after your recent illness. Take care of yourself. Keep in mind there are limits to what we all can do, and you have to pay double if you keep going over those limits. Both with body as with your mind. So please take care.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Keep in mind there are limits to what we all can do

Good point. Really. I have trouble with that one. I always want to do more, more, more... and get angry with myself when I run out of steam. So I should be patient, right? Yes, I'll take care. Wish I could just sleep all day....

Now, where did I put my cough medicine?

[wijsgeer.livejournal.com]

yes cuddle up. Is there some audio book you can listen to? Or something nice on the radio. Having your eyes open and watching (like television) does cost energy.

I've been trough times I couldn't watch television, it both phsysically as mentally drained me. You don't want to get to that stage. Take some time off. Realy off and not just writing on your LJ, no matter how much I like it that you are here.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Sadly I'm at work and curling up under a blanket with an audio-book (a very appealing idea) isn't possible. But I can take it a moment at a time and maybe listen to the Doctor Who themes as I work....

It's hard for me to resist LJ! Even when I wake up groggy in the middle of the night.

Maybe I'll just stay in bed all day Saturday. That sounds like a nice idea.

[wijsgeer.livejournal.com]

are you home by now? Guess you are not in the dreadfull storm we have overhere.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I'm still at work, and no storm... Just a bland, grey day, not too cold. Below feezing, but not by much - yesterday it was 25 degrees below zero, brr! And I've mislaid my warmest mits.

[firko.livejournal.com]

Go with the sleep - your body is telling you something!

I understand your frustration - I've had the germ of a TW/Who crossover fic for the last couple of months. I started writing it but it seems to have been overtaken both by the Torchwood finale and my life. Ironically, some of the bit I'd written actually appeared on screen in 'End of Days' which at least gives me faith that I have the characterisation down! The story will stay with you if it needs to be written.

I really need to discipline myself and get into a writing routine. It's all too haphazard at the moment.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Go with the sleep - your body is telling you something!

Yeah. I plan to go to bed right after supper this evening (maybe with a book) and sleep all day tomorrow. Let's see if that helps lick this thing.

it seems to have been overtaken both by the Torchwood finale and my life.

Yes. How well I now the feeling! I already have one story I want to finish and post, but it needs rewriting because I wrote it before the first episode of Torchwood and I have to readjust because the storyline overtook and contradicted it. And the Jack/Doctor story I most want to finish now has been sort of overtaken by the ending of "End of Days", not in any specific way, but the theme of my story is Jack's loss of the Doctor, and its implications, and some of the emotional essence is gone now... I hope I can recapture that.

The story will stay with you if it needs to be written.

True. No sense repining over the stories that don't get written. And it can be amazing how many days or weeks a story can sit in my head, if it's the right story, all the ideas and words lined up in order and ready to go onto the page when I have time for it. How do I do that? I don't know. It isn't conscious or even deliberate. But there it is.

I really need to discipline myself and get into a writing routine.

So do I. Seriously. But how?