Torchwood: Ianto at Work...

My friend maaboroshi is suddenly channelling Ianto and I love it.

You know how series of jokes get passed along online, and take on a life of their own? She sent me the joke about the Australian Tourist Office, with the tagline: These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously ( have a sense of humour... )

Just for fun, I looked up the Canadian version of the same series of jokes.

This led maaboroshi to imagine Ianto, bored in his tourist office, answering similar questions about Wales in reply to e-mail on his own office computer:

Q: Please send me the cruise schedule where I can ride a boat out and pet humpbacks. (USA)

A: It's W.A.L.E.S. - a part of Britain, not W.H.A.L... oh forget it. Cruises leave for the
Humpback Aqua Petting Zoo on Tuesday nights. Come naked.

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Q: I saw on the Discovery Channel that rocks from Whales are symbols of the Land of the Dead. Do they send all the dead people from England to Whales? (USA)

A: Yes, all corpses in the UK are shipped to W.A.L.E.S. to be processed. They arrive in cargo
containers throughout the week, and then are distributed on Tuesdays to the coastal regions via an intricate system of trolleys, wheelbarrows and ATS (All Terrain Submarines). There's a sendoff ceremony Tuesday evenings at the Millennium Stadium. Tiny hankies for waving goodbye are provided. Come naked.

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[Ianto won't shut up. ]

Q: What was the The Wales Millennium Centre in Cardiff named for? (Belgium)

A: The Centre was named after the Roman centurian Millenn who introduced showers to the Caerleon Roman Baths. The fountain in The Basin, fronting the centre, commemorates his efforts. Do NOT come naked to the fountain.

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Q: How do you say "Where can I swim with the wales?" in Welsh?

A: Ble gwneud y tro nofio W.H.A.L.E.S. gwirionyn stfu.

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More? I love seeing Ianto make Jack laugh!

Addendum: the things I think of keep turning out slashy, or self-reflexive:

Q: Is it true there are time-travellers in Cardiff?

A: Yes, but he's busy.

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Q: Is it true there are time-travellers in Cardiff?

A: Yes, but he's got a boyfriend already and I'm not sharing him with you, so there.

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Q: Is it true there are aliens in Cardiff?

A: Yes, it's a TARDIS refuelling station, but the scheduling is erratic.

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Q: Is it true there are aliens in Cardiff?

A: Yes. Check with City Hall.

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Q: Is it true there are aliens in Cardiff?

A: Yes. They are called Weevils. They are dangerous, and they bite. You may protect yourself from Weevils by buying Weevil-Off Spray from I. Jones & Co.(website link here).

[More from maaboroshi:]

Q: Does the Princess of Whales have a home in Cardiff? (USA)

A: No, but the Queen of Whales, Gwenllian of Orca, resides in the Aqua Petting Zoo, accessible by cruise boat on Tuesdays. Her Highness will grant audience to all those who come naked.

Q: Is it safe to drink the water in Wales? Should I get innoculated before I go? (Canada)

A: The water in Wales is deadly toxic to all those who do not have a natural immunity. An 8-week series of antibiotic injections, administered rectally with a bicycle pump, is recommended prior to travel.

Q: Is there beer in Wales?(Mexico)

A: No. The local inhabitants drink a colorless, odorless liquid obtained by squeezing and
fermenting the remains of Rarebit aged at least six weeks and buried in a bog. With a twist of lime.

Q: Are there any Stonehenges in Wales? (UK)

A: There is a multitude of Stonehengi to be found in the Northern areas. They nest high in oak trees and are known for their colorful plumage and loud squawking. However, be warned: some of the local varieties have mated with feral budgerigars, and are known to attack shiny objects. Do not wear jewelery when observing. For maximum safety, go naked.

[Yet more from the eeevil maaboroshi:]

It's even more fun when you imagine it being said with Ianto's ever so toppy proper accent.

***
Q: I wanted to make an inquiry in person at your office near the Millenium Centre, but a strange man in a big military overcoat was making a disturbance and seemed to be talking to himself. I do hope he's not one of your staff.

A: The individual in question is known to this office and has been appropriately disciplined in private for his innappropriate public conduct. Should you see him again, please do not approach him, ESPECIALLY while naked. Thank you for your concern.

Torchwood: 'Dead Man Walking' (2x07)

Admittedly I was feeling quite unwell when I was watching this last night, but I wasn't sure I had anything to say about it. This is rare for me.

Today... I have a few things to say. ( For an episode... )