Expedition...

[fajrdrako]

I went out this morning in the car with maaseru and maaboroshi. We went to Kelleman's Bagels for breakfast, and I had a rather delicious toasted bagel with cream cheese and salmon. I don't usually like bagels much - did you ever meet someone who didn't like bagels? Everyone loves bagels! - But today, I was in the mood. We ate on their terrace. Being out in the fresh air was nice.

Then we went to Bridgehead to drink coffee and test maaseru's new Wi-Fi laptop conenction.

Then we came home and I slept. I felt I'd earned a nap. The crutches are handy - good to use, but tiring, and my stamina isn't very good. The hardest part is stepping up onto a curb.

Comments

[jwaneeta.livejournal.com]

Congrats on getting out! Soon all the hobbling/crutches will be but a faded memory. :D

[abrakadabrah.livejournal.com]

It must be exhausting, with lots of your energy going to healing and having to lug crutches everywhere.

The bagel and cream cheese with salmon sounds delicious - what kind did you have? I used to like sesame best, then everything. We have a bagel place at the corner of my gym - which can be trying at times.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

It must be exhausting, with lots of your energy going to healing and having to lug crutches everywhere.

Yes. Today it was easier than it has been before - but I still can't go far, and have to rest after about ten feet. Still. I can do it and it gets easier/better every day.

The kitchen is still really difficult, though.

The bagel and cream cheese with salmon sounds delicious - what kind did you have?

Sesame. It's not the most exotic kind, but it's my favourite.

We have a bagel place at the corner of my gym - which can be trying at times.

Life is full of difficulties!

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Congrats on getting out!

Thank you! the good weather was incentive - not to mention the good company and the fact that I've been staring at my own four walls for rather too long. I kept looking for flowers, and saw some - tulips mostly, some daffodills and narcissus.

Soon all the hobbling/crutches will be but a faded memory. :D

I look forward to that day. I really do.

Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

Now that you are getting more comfortably out and about on the crutches, I will tell you my horrible crutches story.

I was 19, in college, and while doing a blackout scene change during a production of Catch-22, I turned my right ankle badly. You see, I was the spryest one on the props crew, and so I was the one who got to leap out onto the set-piece during the five-second blackout and grab an item so that time could pass in the audience's imagination. It was unknown to me that a step had been added at the back of that set piece, and when I leapt back off it, towards but not quite into the backstage area, my lead foot caught the edge of it and down I went. And the lights started to come up! And I was in them! Two people caught my outstretched hands and hauled me bodily into the darkness (and, later, the director was surprised to hear of the incident: from the balcony, he hadn't even seen it! yay, us!).

Wow, had I messed up my foot. Details I will keep from you! But it was bad. All the sports I'd been involved in during that era of my life, and never had I sprained an ankle -- till then. We went to the university health center, they looked at it, wrapped it, told me to elevate and ice it, and fitted me for crutches. I caught a ride home. And then things got interesting.

This is when I learned that you shouldn't give crutches to an injured person, as it takes a trained, well athlete to be able to use them!

I got nauseous just from the effort of going down the hall to the bathroom. I cut class, because I couldn't imagine going all the way to the classroom building. And, maybe worst of all, my tape player was in my locker in a nearby classroom building, and so was my backpack, and I had to have them both!

I set out. It took me forty minutes to go a five-minute walking distance. I got pretty frickin' tired of the stares that people turned on me as they briskly walked by.

Got there. Stood outside and rested, looking at the outside steps: twelve of them, stone/concrete. Then double doors. Then ten more steps up to the first floor.

Okay. Up I go. More people walking briskly by, turning to stare at me with blank faces (sheesh, already!!). There was a security guard at the door; he held the door open for me. I said thank you. Then he started to talk. I was too exhausted and preoccupied to answer, but I did so anyway, to be polite.

And he kept talking, as I carefully tried to get up the inside steps. He said, wow, you're brave! I remember when I was on crutches (for an injury that he had already described in detail, which details I omit, you're welcome), I hated stairs, hated them, you know I was always so afriad I'd just fall over backwards when I was going up? [Consider that I'd just lost my balance a few times, doing this... grr!) I didn't mind coming down -- I knew I could always drop the crutches and jump. But going up -- whoa, yeah, I hated that. ...And on and on he went, I kid you not, all the exhausting haul up those ten steps I did, still contending with students buzzing past me and nearly hitting me, unable to grab the railing for security, panting and just about to my limit in every possible way.

But he was such a polite fellow. He meant well. He finally shut up, bid me well, and left the building to continue on his rounds. Whew! I got my stuff from my locker (first floor, thank goodness!) and rested, and then somehow made it home. Where I re-thought my plan to zip around campus on my usual schedule, with my spiffy new aluminum-chrome crutches.

I think I ditched them a day later, tried going without any aid at all, and then got a cane from the health center.

But that's my crutches horror story. May you never have to struggle to go up steps while a well-meaning bystander regales you with good wishes and his/her own story of being in just as bad a position, once, as you are in now!

[this is the fourth try at posting this] [fifth]

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I can relate to that! Steps terrify me right now. Slopes too, though not so much. Gad. Crtuches are just exhausting. But I think that using them is probably good for me aerobically.

Why did you have to post this five times?

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

Yes, I imagine that using crutches is giving you quite a cardiovascular work-out.

Slopes: have you considered putting both crutches into one hand, holding them both together, and using them as sort of an ungainly walking stick? Or can't you do this, being still too ... heck, no, sorry I even said it. You can't even imagine placing any weight on your right foot, accidentally. But, later, maybe try this; I did find that it helped, on slopes, to deviate from the standard crutch-swing sort of ambulation.

Steps... well, move slowly, eep yourself centered, and feel your balance in your breath. And count on kind strangers to stand close behind you in case you start to fall -- people love to be needed.

Goodness knows why the LJ system kept telling me I hadn't posted this! First it was too long; then it said I needed to put my password in (I already had, but it was suddenly not there); then it said I didn't match the password to the screen-name, and did I want to change either my password or screen-name; then... ai. I just hope the story was worth it [g].

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

using crutches is giving you quite a cardiovascular work-out.

That's what it feels like.

Slopes: have you considered putting both crutches into one hand, holding them both together, and using them as sort of an ungainly walking stick?

No. It would be way too unstable. I couldn't handle it psychologically, even if my balance was good enough. Which I don't think it is.

First it was too long

When that happens, I do 'cut and paste' to post my message in two parts.

then it said I needed to put my password in (I already had, but it was suddenly not there)

Yes - logging in isn't always permanent. I'm not sure why.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

As soon as I wrote about putting both the crutches into one hand, I wanted to take it back -- of course this is much too soon for you, on that. One place that it does maybe fit your needs right now is on stairs, but only if you have "spotters" and can take your time to try it at your own pace the first few times. If there is a good, solid hand-rail, then you could consider putting both crutches into one hand and using them as a sort of cane, while keeping a solid grip on the hand-rail with your other hand. This actually makes stairs more manageable, but only if you don't feel unsure about trying it.

I'm doing a lot better with the sensory intrusions, today, but right now someone is droning on in the background, either on the phone or giving someone instructions, and it's blowing my ability to concentrate. Feh. This has been going on for two weeks or nearly so! When will I return to my usual daily level of being able to tolerte sensory input?? sigh

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'm ready for stairs - I have hopped onto the curb a few times and find that terrifying. A step would be higher. My hopping just isn't that good, even if I could support my weight on a railing. I feel very unsure about everything.

I don't know when your ability to tolerate sensory input will return. I hope (for your sake) it isn't much longer.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

No, I also don't think you're ready for stairs. I am amazed that I'd thought I could just run around campus doing the things I usually did, only with a badly sprained ankle and crutches, back then. I soon learned.

You are less than half as grounded as you usually are, right now. So when you leave the ground to "hop to a curb," it's totally disconnecting you, and of course it's scary. Right now, it is. As time passes, things will get better. But, right now, you're where you are. Isn't this only your first handful of days trying to get around on crutches, hm? And, Monday is only four full weeks since you started this unexpected journey you're on? It's a major detour, but it'll take as long as it takes....

I was thinking that my sensory hyper-hyper-sensitivity was from the allergy medicine and the anti-vertigo medicine; now, I think maybe I need to try to do some kind of all-veggie cleansing diet to see if I can't get my biology back to some kind of level norm...? It wouldn't hurt, huh? I think I'll try to do that, starting today. Because I see Rita next Thursday again (I cancelled a week ago, unable to put any words into form), and I want to not waste her time or mine.

This is a remarkable experience. The last times I felt such intolerable overload were when I was hyped because of soy... but, honest! no soy!! The food at the hotel was fresh-made, and I didn't do any drive-through burgers or fake-cheese pizza, honest. Ai. Wish I could understand this. It's similar to things I've had to deal with in the past, but also somehow different, and I can't remember any of the past things explicitly enough to be able to figure it all out.

thanks for your good wishes. I'll be meditating on it later, too, and if I see you, I'll say hi [g]

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I thought I answered this, but I see no answer here. So... forgive me if you get this twice.

You are less than half as grounded as you usually are, right now

A quarter, I'd guess. Because I'm only on one foot, and that foot is only half as grounded as it would normally be. There are so many variables of weight and balance and pain and sense of confidence and energy - all in play all the time.

yes, it's been only four weeks and it seems like forever. Or, rather, not like forever, but as if there is a huge divide between then (the distant past when I could walk) and now where I lie around on the sofa making strategic plans to collect a glass of water.

I think maybe I need to try to do some kind of all-veggie cleansing diet to see if I can't get my biology back to some kind of level norm...? It wouldn't hurt, huh?

Sounds like a good idea. I might do that too. How many days were you thinking of doing it?

If your sensitivity is to additives and chemical, well then, it makes sense you'd be sensitive to any kind of drugs - they're chemicals too.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

Today was just such a write-off. I was stuck in a sensory deluge that never let up. That blows a person's good mood in seconds flat, let me tell you! [g] I had been drinking soda-pop in order to improve my mental focus (the sugar and caffeine can do that), and I now think I've overdone that, maybe having reached a level of toxicity regarding brain chemistry. Gad, it's all so complicated and interconnected. But, yes, starting veggie and fruit diet today, with either beans or nuts for the protein requirement, and I'll see how I feel once the first couple of lousy-feeling days have passed. How many days was I thinking of doing it -- well, until I feel the difference. I was thinking two to four weeks. That's me. If you want to try it too, I imagine you might feel differences in two to four days, considering that you seem generally to be more in balance than I am, and have less sensory issues to fog up the overall situation.

You feel about a quarter as grounded as you usually are? Interesting. And I see your reasoning. Yes, there are many elements involved. Right now is an odd time for you because you are basically fully aware of all of them, not by choice but by necessity. Which I find fascinating, but of course I'm not trying to speak for you!

"A huge divide between then and now"... so true. I feel empathy for you -- no one should have to think through each small action so thoroughly; it's a drain on your energy and your patience, and it can become overwhelming and so painfully frustrating, so quickly. But you can continue to do this for as long as your body needs the extra time & space in which to fully heal. Think of it as a river folding back on itself until the main channel has cut across the neck of that thrust of dry land, and the side channel soon stands by itself as an oxbow lake, alongside the river's channel instead of still being part of it. But in your situation, that's only temporary! [g] Which is where the metaphor falls apart. With me, I'm the oxbow lake all the time.

Let's focus on vegetables and fruit and water and see how we feel in a few days, yes?

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I had been drinking soda-pop in order to improve my mental focus

You confuse me. I thought you were going on a non-toxic diet.

starting veggie and fruit diet today, with either beans or nuts for the protein requirement, and I'll see how I feel once the first couple of lousy-feeling days have passed.

Ah - you hadn't started yet. Good luck! I hope it works.

If you want to try it too, I imagine you might feel differences in two to four days

I can't do it now, not really having control over my diet. Though my diet has been rather good since I got out of the hospital. I am most impressed with the Meals on Wheels food, for example. And the cheese/pate/bread/grapes that Marna has been bringing over are wonderful eating.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

Phrasing failed me. Sorry! "I had been drinking soda-pop..." is past-tense. For several weeks, in fact since about early March, I had been doing that. With the other things that were going on, I needed a crutch, and that's about my only vice, as far as ingesting things goes. And, yeah, if I keep it to one can of pop a day I can maybe tell myself that I'm not adding to my overall level of toxicity; however, any more than that, and it's not good at all. I lost the balance on it quite quickly, I know. I'm currently working on going back to just water. It's definitely a situation of dependency/addiction. But I'm working on it.

Yes, I did start the veggie/fruit diet on Thursday the first. Today I had sweet corn and broccoli, an apple, and iceberg lettuce with some onions and red tomatoes, and black olives (which I love). And I was feeling it. I'm usually never hungry, but yesterday and today have been mentally-hungry rather than empty-stomach-hungry, and it's pretty strange.

I'm pleased to hear that the Meals on Wheels program is active where you are, and that you are on their list -- various members of my family have been both volunteers and recipients at various times, and I think it's a great program. And the food is good, too, no? At least the worry of how to get fed regularly, even if you don't have the capacity to try to deal with your own kitchen right now, is not one that is added to your pile of concerns. Which is good to hear. Going into the kitchen should be something you can try to do when you feel up to it, not something that you feel you must force yourself into because you have no choice.

Cheese, pate, bread, grapes, eh? Blessings upon Marna!

And... what could be done to make your kitchen more Elizabeth-friendly for the duration, hm?

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Thanks for clarifying the time-frame.

Your food today sounds really good.

Yes, the Meals on Wheels food is terrific. I expected something bland and dull. It isn't. It's delicious.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

I am pleased to hear that the Meals on Wheels food is so good. I am not thinking that it might be run by someone who needed it themselves, and so they have given it the stuff they wished they could have gotten...? Nice thought.

I had less-pure things to eat yesterday: while waiting for my chicken to cook (the Crock Pot works wonderfully), I got ravenous and made some pasta. Later, I had a little more of it when I was sampling the chicken for late-supper. And I feel cruddy right now.

I have realized one thing: I cannot eat too much. By this I mean that I need to not make myself finish the portion just because I don't want to find something to store it in, in the refrigerator. Last night, I forced myself to finish both the potatoes and the pasta I'd made, and besides feeling incredibly clumsy at the time (I ended up biting my tongue badly, for instance, and also was dropping things and my vision was blurring), I then ended up waking up in the middle of the night totally unable to bear sensory input -- my cat was cuddled up close to me and it was impossible to let that continue, my blankets were too much to bear, the wan light at the edge of the curtain was pain! What the heck??? It was something. I don't know if this was from overeating (today, bless me, I quit halfway through something I'd heated up, even though I felt strong inclination to keep chewing) or from the continuing reaction of my body detoxifying.

This is my second full day without soda-pop, by the way. When I woke in the night, I felt so horrible that all I could think of was a "hit" of Pepsi. What kept me from it was the thought that I'd just have to live through all this again some other time!

I'm still hyper-sensitive to sensory input, but ... something is different today. I can't pinpoint what. But I'm not going to stop, not now. Even though it has not yet eased all that for me. I'm hoping it just needs more time.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Yes, I hope it's just a matter of time and that you'll be feeling better today. Good luck.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

Well, not worse! But today is very low-energy. Give me a few more days. And I'm trying not to remember that, before I started this, I had already realized that it might take two to four weeks before I got to the place of balance with it.

Yeah, just give me a few more days. And thanks for your words of support.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Words of support are the least I can offer! I hope things continue to improve.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

Join me in a reflection of what I consciously avoided ingesting today, and a contemplation of what I intend to cook for supper when I get home...:

I kept my hands off a Pepsi this morning, then kept them off a root beer (wow, you should have heard the equivocating going on in my head on that one! "it isn't caffeine" ... "no, but it's sugar" ... "but, it isn't caffeine!" ... "quit" ... "I won't drink the whole thing!" ... "QUIT" ... "how about a Fanta orange?" ... "no!" ... "please!" ... "water, and now. c'mon, it's all nice and cold" ... "sigh!") ... um, then I had some leftover sausage and an apple, which filled a hole in my tummy I hadn't even realized was there. Then I went out. I stared long and hard at the McDonald's sign, god help me. Then the Dairy Queen sign. Then... oh, enough. You get the idea!

I will cook: sweet corn, brussels sprouts, and broccoli; chicken thighs on multi-grain bread; ice water; and apples and raisins. And the first two episodes of Heroes, if I can tear myself away from third-season Buffy!

thanks for your support. I know, I already said that.

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I'm not feeling tempted by fast food these days, on the whole. Your supper sounds lovely!

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

I'm not feeling tempted by fast food these days, on the whole.

I was only that time. It was weird.

I'm still feeling extremely low energy, here in my fifth full day without soft drinks. Waiting for any sign of improvements...!

Your supper sounds lovely!

It was. Tonight: more of the chicken, and carrots, lima beans, possibly potatoes. Ah, and green beans. And a strawberry Pop-Tart.

Doesn't compare to take-out from The Green Door!

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

Tonight was take-out from Swiss Chalet, picked up by Sheila. Very nice!

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[walkingowl.livejournal.com]

Indeed, very nice! I like Swiss Chalet. So, what are some of your favorite places for take-out/delivery? (You have to answer this; it's part of a plot which will blossom in the future.)

Re: Regarding Crutches.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

A plot? Now I try to picture BSG femslash featuring take-out food. Of course, Torchwood is the champion show for take-out - er, I mean, take away. (Tip of the hat to one of my favourite episodes of The Professionals.)

Favourite places for take-out/delivery:

Chopstick Tale
Pe-Nan Wok
Peach Gardens
Greek on Wheels